Travelling through life is no doubt filled with complexities, mystery, misunderstanding, miscommunication and generally a whole lot of misses. Missing the mark, missing people and places, missed life events, missing what once was, missing a clear conscience. Missed opportunities to make amends with others whom you have hurt intentionally or not, stunt the lessons you are meant to learn in this lifetime, freeing your soul from the ache it carries caused by the burden of fear of apology. Making things right, correcting course, setting ego aside, being accountable for actions taken or not taken. Simply admitting the error of your ways, thinking, speaking and acting, with love. Why is saying your sorry so difficult? What is the cost to your ego admitting that you may have been wrong, you spoke untruths, you gossiped and damaged the integrity of another, you believed you knew better than the person living their own life, you betrayed, broke sacred boundaries, took control, manipulated, felt embarrassed, were jealous, envious. However it is that you hurt another and to what degree you inflicted that hurt, I can tell you with certainty, every adult on this planet has done it. And just so we are clear, it is the degree of fear in each and everyone of us, the fear that drives our ego into believing that we must win and be right, that stops us from taking responsibility and simply saying, I’m sorry.
So, lets take a closer look at what that fear looks like when we have hurt someone and keep it inside of ourselves and our soul. Imagine a beautiful flower in full bloom, fragrant, soft, attracting honey bees and hummingbirds, capturing rain and sunshine in the petals that give it life. That is your soul free from burden, living in harmony with its surrounding and the Universe. Giving and receiving beautiful energy. Now imagine those beautiful flower petals becoming bruised by hurt given and received, the hurt unable to be released and instead is absorbed by the petals, withering and dying. Imagine further how a simple apology, acknowledgement of the hurt caused and accepting responsibility for the part you played in it, enables the flower petals to release the bruised petals both in your soul and theirs. The flower is able to return to its natural state, becoming all it was meant to be. Sharing the beauty within and without. Whether we realize it or not, we all suffer when someone we love has been hurt.
Hurting other people is not a game where someone wins and someone loses. Where one is crushed, stepped on, walked over, is considered less than. Hurting another is serious business especially when one pretends, buries their head in the sand, denies the hurt occurred, believes the other was too sensitive, or worse deserved it. Hurting or manipulating another to gain control and power is another game played out in lives. Sometimes when a person experiences a crisis or traumatic life event others rush in to steal their power. Empowerment is something we all must have and feel to make it through life. It is something valuable to teach our children and loved ones. As the saying goes, “give a person fish and you feed him for a day, teach a person to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Hurt is stored in the heart space, causing damage to its muscle, vessels and surrounding tissues. Even the beat of the heart is affected. Fears are evidenced in our anxieties, anxious thoughts, feelings and actions. The mind and body races. Saying you are sorry for a hurt you have caused another, does not make you weak. Rather, it takes great courage, strength and belief in doing something that alleviates the suffering of another, to acknowledge and take responsibility for your actions. It defines you as human, with a heart and soul. Apologizing is not a package deal. You cannot apologize expecting forgiveness, for that lies in the heart and soul of the other. Apologizing simply releases your own soul, allowing your petals to flourish and grow. If apologizing face to face is too difficult, there are other ways to deliver a message of love and peace. Hand written letters, e mails, text messages, Skype or Face Time for the more courageous. The olive branch has gone cyber! If you are reading this blog and are telling yourself you have never hurt another with intention or not, or that you can apologize through prayer or your confessional never facing or acknowledging the other person, then I wish you all the best in your chosen method of atonement and belief system. But understand this. Until you release the hurt you have caused another through apology, living a harmonious, peaceful, loving life will be difficult. To love and be loved requires vulnerability, acknowledging our fears and mistakes, our humanness. It involves opening the heart space by sending loving light to your own heart and the heart of the other. Simply say your sorry. Release the burdens of your heart and soul. Sleep well. Stop eating your bowl of righteousness. Heal the beautiful petals within your soul.
Photography by Christine Wasnie, “Nature Speaks”
For added insight I recommend the article written by Deepak Chopra, When The People You Trust Hurt You ( And How To Stop It) featured at Oprah.com in the Inspiration section.
For those of you born in the 50’s and early 60’s, love DOES mean having to say your sorry!😉❤️