In the stillness of half night and dawn, 4:00 am awakenings occur, the dream scape halts abruptly, the curtain crashing onto the shores of reality. Awake. And then it happens, the ego filled mind begins its journey. Under the big top, into the circus ring we go, riding elephants, taming roaring tigers, acrobats flying across the air, faceless, poodles running and scurring back and forth, up and down, round and round. Clowns with faces painted, hiding themselves behind laughter, pranks and oversized shoes no one in reality is able to fill. As you reach for the whip to tame your mind, you drift losing conrol, sweat appears on your brow. Spinning and anxious the show starts. Peanuts, popcorn, get your soda here!
The mulling begins. Thoughts surface that you believed were tucked down deep, forgotten, no longer important. Dealt with, overcome. These thoughts are more difficult to push away at 4:00am. There is a lack of busy day activity to keep them at bay. The night stillness echos with the activity in our minds. The darkness cocoons these thoughts in silky webs, trapped. Chest heavy you long for restful sleep, drifting back into the abyss lulled by false peace and tranquilty. But, this is not possible.Your thoughts are controlling you and overtake any further hope of sleep. Emotions rise up. Tears well in the corners of your eyes. Breath shallow. All hope of returning to slumberland lost.
Awake at 4:00 am, conversations begin to gallop and thump like wild horses upon the open grasslands running free. Attempting to push away the chatter, tossing and turning, strengthens the conversations, helplessness sets in. The challenge begins, the challenge of self, our beliefs, our purpose, our reason for worry. In other words the conversation with self. Over and over we play out scenarios and conversations of the past, yesterday, hours ago. In the still of night we must find the courage and strength to confront our worries and ask the following questions.
- What do I fear will happen?
- Can I fix the problem?
- Is the problem my responsibilty to fix?
- If so, what are the steps required to begin the process of repair?
- Is worrying helpful or is it hurting me?
Our fears control our worries, our fear of the unknown, change, loss of control, harm, death and dying, pain, relationships and others. Our fears cause our worries and control our lives, the choices we make, the paths we sometimes travel. When we give our fears contol over our lives, we keep our egos happy, our souls sad and unfulfilled. What would life look like without the burden of worry carried in the heart space and mind. What if we truly acknowledged that we are powerless over the choices and lives of others and came to terms with the reality of that powerlessness. Were steadfast in the knowing that our power resides in ourselves and control over our own lives, what we are capable of and what we are not. The ability to let go. Really let it all go. Let go of fear and the unknown and trust that life will always unfold as it should. There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned so we can grow and find our selves and purpose in life. These are indeed the conversations we are required to have, the ones that begin with ourselves.
I am sure you are aware that most of the things we worry about never occur. The worry stories we make up and believe to be true sap every ounce of energy required for a beautiful life free of worry. One that can be focused on living your best life filled with love, kindness and compassion. If you are that worried in life, try putting all negativity aside and instead just give love, freely. Because at the end of the day, really, love is all there is. Love is all we want for ourselves, our loved ones, friends,others. The next time you awake at 4:00 am with a worrying mind, try this. Begin by breathing deeply and slowly. Fill your mind with all the beautiful things you have done in your life, all the ways you have been kind, loving and giving. Breathe. Focus on your inbreath and outbreath. And when everything you have tried fails and the thoughts just keep rushing in, give your worries away to God, the Universe, Angels or whatever is your belief or faith. Ask them to take your worries away because you know you cannot solve them in this moment. Have faith for without faith your worries will always carry you away at 4:00 am in the stillness of half night and dawn. Sleep. Rise in the morning to greet the day with a new fresh perspective on the purpose and effects of worry in your life. Worry serves no purpose other than to feed your ego and preoccupy your thoughts better served with the power of positive thinking and action. It’s 4:00 am. Are you sleeping? Goodnight. Sleep with peace in your soul.